for a gg. [vol. 2] from Nicolkaa on 8tracks Radio.

I wish there existed a person that actually enjoys my company

I feel like the place I’m at right now is destroying my soul. I just want to leave home, throw away my phone, delete all my internet accounts, drop out of school, grab your hand and go on an adventure.

I built my wall so high, not sure if anyone can climb it

..
close it back up dirty whore

I feel like, if I find somoeone I like, I’m never good enough for them. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not funny enough, not clever enough. Just not enough. When I look into the mirror, I see an enemy. I am disgusted. I feel ugly, I feel so sad. They always pick the sociable outgoing girl with a nice body, pretty face and long hair. I have a problem, a huge problem to trust someone. Whenever I do, they get bored of me in the end, call me tiring and that’s where it ends. I can’t believe someone would actually mean it, that I’m pretty, that I come first, that I’m special. I’m never special. I never come first. You always find someone better than me who can take my place. You use me until you don’t find any better. That’s how I feel, constatly. Used and thrown away when you realize there is nothing amazing about me. Just please don’t call me your sweetheart, when a week later, I’ll be the bitch you hate. And it’s always the same circle of someone being impressed and after a short period of time, abandoning me with the words “you’re just not **** enough, you’re tiring”. I have no deep words or thoughts. All I can do is get comitted. I can get so comitted to a person that I love they are scared it’s unhealthy and obsessive. But I just really don’t know a better way, I’m scared they’ll abandon me again, so I try, I try all the time to comfort them and guard them and keep them forever by my side. It’s not helping me, they see me as a fucking annoying clingy weakling. I’m just not enough. My best is not enough.